Friday, September 6, 2013


I will be traveling soon and not a road trip or Megabus.  Airlines.  Let's begin with that Delta charges $25 for your first checked in baggage.  That's $50 round trip!!!   Time to figure how I'll do the carry-on routine at no charge.  There are restrictions regarding the amount of "liquids".   I think that I can take a regular size deodorant as long as it's a "dry" one.   

I called the hotels that I will be staying at to find out what amenities they have.  Thank goodness that they can supply me with a small tube of toothpaste.   I just spent 77 cents on the regular size of Pepsodent as they were on sale at Stop and Shit.  Still asking where the yellow went (you have to be old enough to get that).  

You can also take a personal bag or laptop.  I'm going  for the personal bag to hold two rubber chickens and items that are not clothing.  Umbrella is free and coat is free.  I can then choose a coat or jacket with pockets.  I don't have to actually wear the coat when going through security.   So why not use the pockets to harbor clothing?  A couple of rolled up t-shirts.  Perhaps I'll wear a t-shirt under a long sleeve shirt that I'll need for the cooler evenings.  That should help as well.

Now, I'm into what I need to pack.  I thought I had it figured out until the tv commercials were getting to me.   You know the bears that "shit in the woods"?  I'm guessing that they killed off Goldilocks because these Charmin creatures must have moved in there as well as renovated it. 

"Enjoy the go" is their ad campaign.  Obviously they are never constipated (nine out of ten people who ARE constipated don't give a shit) or have the runs.  It's bad enough that they learned how to talk, they can also read the newspaper or do g-d knows what while they are on the bowl.  

The problem seems to be with the son.  He just can't wipe his ass if the toilet paper isn't soft enough.  Come to think of it, the father seems to have a problem in that the toilet paper is a fetish.  Oh, cum, cum.  He's not just doing a number 2 on the bowl.  

The son leads you to believe that there is an actual choice of either wiping your ass clean or leaving streak marks on his undies, which is the only reason to have them washed.   

Newest campaign is even worse.  They are telling you to "Join the movement".   Did they really just say that?  Hmmm...What's brown and lies on top of the piano?....Beethoven's last movement.

Now we also have another company that's telling you that it is no longer enough to simply wipe yourself with toilet paper.  You need to have "wipes" for afterwards.   

So here's the thing.  I'm not sure as to what toilet paper the hotels will be providing.  Therefore I need to bring a few rolls of puffy Charmin (I suppose that if I put them in a pillow case, I can use if to doze off on the plane) and some "wipes"....which, of course we will find out in a few years or so that there is something in these wipes that have created a fungus in the women's "down there".  

This way according to the Charmin commercials and "wipes"  I will not even have to bring a change of underwear for the four or five days. I'm so glad that the hotels provide soap!

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