There are those of us that have perhaps 202 “friends” on facebook. There are those that may boast 10,202. It’s not that you know them all but rather each connected to a large group that you add either by their wanting to “friend” you or looking to up your numbers.
Such is a woman named Sharon A.S. who used her middle name so that that those born after the year 5710 would recognize the “nee” name. It was 45 years ago that she finally married the boy that she played with in the sandbox and perhaps played “doctor” as well.
Life was so rare as she grew up in the Bronx, had kids, grandkids, and retired to Florida. One day, she lost her husband. They put out an alert but nobody could find him. Oh, I forgot “lost” means “no longer alive”. In the Jewish religion you either lose someone or they pass (gas? A football? Hors de ouvres?)
Sharon found herself now being a widow and posted the status on her facebook page. She received thousands of condolence emails, notices, and an occasional snail mail card. It did make her feel comforted since as the years went on many close online friendships developed.
Sharon A.S. decided to change her status back from “widowed” to “married”. Being such an elderly woman and marriage no longer an option in her life….the other Barry in her life, Barry Manilow, is spoken for.
So, out went the status change that read, “Sharon is married today”. Thousands were feeling guilty about not reading her facebook page to find out when she got engaged. These were not the friends who really knew her. Each of them sent gift cards or catalogue gifts of food with preservatives.
Thousands more sent a facebook congratulations and placed her info on a mailing list of sexy undergarms as they did not remember how old she was.
Not all was good. She received thousands of tweets regarding accusing her of having an affair during her original marriage. After all, Barry died only recently and she’s getting married so soon? Was it a shotgun wedding? Those that asked were unaware of her age. Was this new guy peering at her and Barry from a nearby sandbox while writing, “I will wait for you forever” with his little nubby fingers?
Her closer friends were quite upset as none of them were invited to the wedding. Actually each thought that the others were and felt so left out that they “unfriended” her.
Sharon now remains friendless of her true friends in her home with a shit load of disgusting food and what looks like a “hoarded” house. This is what happens when you change your status on facebook!